Bittersweet

For some reason, the realization that I am thisclose to finishing my program at Fuller is front and center in my mind today.  Maybe it has something to do with the really great faculty/student event last night.  Or that this week I registered for my last full quarter on campus.  Or that I’ve been looking at post-Fuller opportunities.  Whatever the reason, my mind has been completely occupied today by the nearness of the end.  And it leaves me feeling bittersweet.

My time in California has not been easy.  I’ve never tried to hide the fact that I didn’t really feel like I fit when I first came out here.  It’s only been in the last few months that I’ve felt comfortable here.  But school has been amazing… an experience I would completely do again if that choice had to be made over.

Part of me isn’t ready to leave.  There are so many relationships I need to work on, professors to learn from, more classes I could take.  Not to mention that I’ve generally been too busy or too preoccupied to take advantage of the many opportunities unique to LA.

But another part of me is ready to move on.  I never thought I’d want to move back home… like never, ever, ever.  What did Cleveland, TN have to draw me back with?  But now, when the opportunity to go home for a time has been set before me, I find that option more appealing every day.  Of course, that has nothing at all to do with the imminent arrival of a particular little lady…

So here I sit, sipping my coffee, staring at the snow dusted mountains, remembering the last 2 years and pondering the next steps.  Seneca seems fitting on a day like today… “Every beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”  Excitement about the new beginning mingles with the mourning of the previous beginning’s end… I guess that’s why the endings are so bittersweet.

 

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