I decided to go for a run yesterday. These last few weeks I feel like I’ve been so cooped up, either in the library or in my apartment, with my nose endlessly in a book or my computer. I had midterms due yesterday and set myself a pretty strict timeline, because, well… I can and will work on a paper until the last minute tweaking and adjusting until I’ve nearly killed both myself and the paper. Anyway, I decided a run would be just what I needed to shake off the stress from the last couple weeks and get rejuvenated for my 3 hour class.
So off I go… You know how you start out and feel so great, carefree, like you could just take off flying? Great feeling! Then like 30 seconds in (okay maybe a little longer than that) you’re not so much flying and carefree anymore and you remember why you don’t like running. But you’re too far from the house to go back and you went to all the trouble to get dressed and actually leave the apartment, so why should that time be wasted… keep moving. And the further you go, the worse it gets, until finally your body kinda goes numb and just moves on its own. But then… oh! I see home! I’m almost back! So you get that final little burst of energy and finally stumble to the finish line feeling quite content and satisfied and sure it was tough, but it was worth it. Or is it just me who goes through this sick cycle every single time I think a run would be a good idea?
Quite the metaphor for my current situation, I must say. I started out feeling so great (academically, if you’ve read my blog, you know the other aspects of life weren’t so rosy). I loved my classes for the most part and seemed to get so much out of them. I was really looking forward to all the great things I will have an opportunity to learn during these two years. But now, it’s getting a little tougher, not the studies necessarily, although this quarter does seem to be more demanding, but I have these days when I just want to stop… afterall, I was much more comfortable on the couch of life. But I’m too far to turn back, so keep going I must and I will. I know in the end it will totally be worth it and I’ll come out stronger for having disciplined myself in this way, but discipline isn’t always easy. Running the race set before us… whether that race is an actual physical race, an academic race, the race of marriage and parenthood, whatever race we find ourselves in… is a mixture of joy and difficulty, but we just keep running so we can win that prize.
I need to find my inner Dory… just keep running, just keep running…