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Distance

I wrote the following sometime before finals week last quarter but never got around to posting it….

 

Today I was sitting in the library studying with a friend.  I was comfortable in this not so new setting with not so new friends and suddenly felt the distance between Chicago and me…

The physical distance has been evident and at times painful, difficult, unwelcome.  But today was different.  I didn’t so much feel the physical distance, but had a realization of the emotional distance. 

California is where God has called me and placed me for now, but my heart has longed for Chicago, for everything I left behind… family, community, comfort, routine.  Today I felt the separation, a distancing, the finality of that chapter.  It was a bittersweet moment.  Bitter in that what has been one of the best seasons of my life is now over.  Sweet in that it provided reasurrance that I am where God has called me.

Maybe one day God will call me back, but for today I am here.

 

We can’t be so focused on last year’s harvest that we forget to plant this year’s seed; maybe He’s been trying to tell me that for a while… maybe I should listen.

Just Keep Running

I decided to go for a run yesterday. These last few weeks I feel like I’ve been so cooped up, either in the library or in my apartment, with my nose endlessly in a book or my computer. I had midterms due yesterday and set myself a pretty strict timeline, because, well… I can and will work on a paper until the last minute tweaking and adjusting until I’ve nearly killed both myself and the paper. Anyway, I decided a run would be just what I needed to shake off the stress from the last couple weeks and get rejuvenated for my 3 hour class.

So off I go… You know how you start out and feel so great, carefree, like you could just take off flying? Great feeling! Then like 30 seconds in (okay maybe a little longer than that) you’re not so much flying and carefree anymore and you remember why you don’t like running. But you’re too far from the house to go back and you went to all the trouble to get dressed and actually leave the apartment, so why should that time be wasted… keep moving. And the further you go, the worse it gets, until finally your body kinda goes numb and just moves on its own. But then… oh! I see home! I’m almost back! So you get that final little burst of energy and finally stumble to the finish line feeling quite content and satisfied and sure it was tough, but it was worth it. Or is it just me who goes through this sick cycle every single time I think a run would be a good idea?

Quite the metaphor for my current situation, I must say. I started out feeling so great (academically, if you’ve read my blog, you know the other aspects of life weren’t so rosy). I loved my classes for the most part and seemed to get so much out of them. I was really looking forward to all the great things I will have an opportunity to learn during these two years. But now, it’s getting a little tougher, not the studies necessarily, although this quarter does seem to be more demanding, but I have these days when I just want to stop… afterall, I was much more comfortable on the couch of life. But I’m too far to turn back, so keep going I must and I will. I know in the end it will totally be worth it and I’ll come out stronger for having disciplined myself in this way, but discipline isn’t always easy. Running the race set before us… whether that race is an actual physical race, an academic race, the race of marriage and parenthood, whatever race we find ourselves in… is a mixture of joy and difficulty, but we just keep running so we can win that prize.

I need to find my inner Dory… just keep running, just keep running…

 

Choices

I recently read some blogs from people I went to high school and/or college with. It seems everyone is married and having babies or married and reveling in their honeymoon bliss. They’re buying houses, moving up in their careers, or quitting their careers to care for those previously mentioned babies.

Hmm… here I sit, thousands of miles away from (most of) my loved ones. I left a good job with full benefits and regular raises and promotions to go to school and be a nanny. I live in a rented apartment that I share with a roommate, not a husband. And don’t even get me started on kids.

But you know, I wouldn’t trade my life for any of theirs. I don’t think I would be happy. Not because I don’t want to be married; if the right guy comes along, I’ll definitely take that path. Not because being a mother isn’t amazing; I’m certain it is. But in the options God has presented, in the choices I have had to make, this is what following his will means to me. It means being single to pursue his call. It means forgoing my most fertile years in the hopes of helping more children than I could ever birth. It means living a life of temporary poverty in a matchbox apartment studying my life away. And if at some point God’s will leads me to make choices that result in marriage and children and a mortgage, I’m sure I won’t be willing to trade that life for anything else, either… as long as my choices always reflect his will.

That is what was said about a homeless vet who died in a fire, while saving 5 people.  What a tribute.

It got me thinking… what would be the response if I were to die?  Not that I’m looking for fame or accolades, but this man’s life, though it was full of trouble and hardship, impacted an entire community.  And not just in this final act of bravery. 

Here’s the story… a homeless man, Ray, is trying to get his life back together, finds a job and a place to stay at a boarding house.  Arsonists set the house on fire; Ray saves 5 other boarders, but doesn’t manage to get out himself.  For weeks his body was unclaimed until someone from a soup kitchen heard he may have died.  That started the search, the story, and ultimately a burial at Arlington National Cemetary (it’s kinda scary that I typed “Seminary” first!).  It seems everyone from city coucilpersons to soup kitchen volunteers knew Ray and appreciated his good heart. 

He made plenty of mistakes.  He was a recovering alcoholic.  His children had not seen him for 15 years.  His oldest daughter said she was looking at this tragedy as giving her one “good, concrete memory” of her father.  Ouch.  But Ray was trying to get his life back together. 

And he was impacting people along the way.

Makes me wonder in what ways I am impacting those around me… do people see a good heart?  Do they see kindness and compassion?  Or am I too busy to exercise a good heart?  Do people see that I am too preoccupied with my own concerns to be kind and compassionate?  Troubling…

You can read about Ray here… http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100123/ap_on_re_us/us_marine_proper_burial

Coming Home?

Returning to Pasadena was really difficult.  When I go back to TN to visit, it feels like going home.  When I lived in Chicago, anytime I left and came back, it felt like going home.  Even over Christmas when I went to Chicago for a short visit, even though I don’t live there anymore, it felt like going home.  There is always that sigh of relief… ahhh, home.  Coming back to Pasadena… more like a sigh of resignation.

I’m not sure what it is.  Maybe it’s that I have a mindset that this is a transient phase.  Maybe I’m not allowing myself to feel at home.  Maybe California is just… weird. 

Whatever it is, I don’t feel at home here.  My first couple weeks back were really difficult.  I spent most of last quarter trying to adapt to this sudden change from being completely entrenched in family and community to having few friendships and very little intimacy.  Just as I started to feel settled, it’s time for break and I go back to the very places I was trying to shift away from.  My time in Chicago was like a much needed oasis.  I will forever be greatful for my family and community there.  My time at home was also beautiful, with the exception of the fire, although we are seeing blessing even in the tragedy.  So I return and the bleakness of my lack of community slaps me in the face, day after day. 

But God is faithful.  Everyday he gives me new reminders that even though I don’t have the same level of intimacy here as I do in my other two homes, foundations are being laid.  I had a moment of revelation the other day talking to my roommate.  I’m not sure where it came from, but I heard myself say, “we can’t be so focused on last year’s harvest that we forget to plant this year’s seed.”  Hmmm… something for me to ponder.  

Pasadena isn’t home… maybe one day it will be…maybe it never will be.  But God has brought me here for a specific purpose and in that purpose there are specific relationships that are to be built and cultivated.  Even if I never feel at home in California, perhaps soon I will feel at home in the community God is creating around me.

Maybe Not…

About a week ago I wrote that I was going to try to blog more regularly… well maybe not.  I just haven’t been in a writing mode.  Or maybe, more accurately, all my writing energies have been used up on papers and impending mid-terms.  (Really?!  Mid-terms in January!)

Part of the problem is that there is so much to share… so much to process… so much that the people closest to me are too far away to receive first hand.  I want to blog it all, but where do I start?  What’s that thing about eating an elephant… one bite at a time?  Ugh, maybe I should blog one bite at a time.

And it doesn’t help that so many of my friends have upped their blogging time (I’m talking to you Lindsey!) making me feel like a blogging slacker.  Oh well, blog… no blog… either way, we’ll all survive.

Well, hello there!

So it’s been a while… a long while.  It’s not that I haven’t had anything to blog about, quite the opposite actually.  So much has happened since the end of last quarter.  A lot of people came by the blog the days after the fire, so I suppose I’ll blog about that soon.  I’ve been meaning to, but you know, that’s life… it just keeps going.

So I’m back in Pasadena.  It’s amazing to me how difficult it was to come back.  I knew when I left for the break that I wasn’t entirely settled in here, but I didn’t realize it would be so difficult coming back.  It was so much like when I first moved here; I almost felt like I was starting over again.  But God is faithful and has shown his faithfulness so much the last few days.  I feel like I’m starting to find my place here. 

Okay, some new blogs coming soon.  I’m really aiming to be more regular with my blogging… we’ll see :)

The last one of the quarter!

Disciples of All Nations by Lamin Sanneh

Chapter 1:  Chapter one argues for mission that encompasses cultures.  As Christianity is embraced in new cultures, it should be folded into that culture, not become and antagonistic force fighting against the native culture.  Therefore, the author states, Christianity has become the history of the world’s peoples and cultures.

Chapter 2:  Although as Christianity grew it became a cultural force, being institutionalized by converted rulers, Islam presented a stalemate.  Neither religion could overcome the other.  The challenge to Christianity’s social and cultural achievements stemmed from Islam’s rapid rise during the seventh century.  The Islamic enlightenment of the fifth century was in some was a precursor to the European Enlightenment. 

 Chapter 3:  After the stalemate with Islam, Europe sought global supremacy through colonization.  Colonization brought with it great abuses to native peoples.  In this new globalization, the weak, nonwhite and poor became targets.  Faithfulness to the church became secondary to economic interests in the drive for European colonization.  As a byproduct of the slave trade, many European missions were established in Africa. 

 Chapter 4:  Attention to the Christian movement was focused on the foreign transmission rather than the local reception of the gospel message.  This affected the study and understanding of missions.  The author suggests a revisionist history of missions.  In practice, things were much more complex than the simple view of a united Christian mission and colonialism.  Bible translation acknowledged the priority of local usage and caused a fragmentation in the alliance between the colonial system and missionaries.  Missions cultivated local sensibility, which complicated colonial control.  The supposed offense of missionaries was in questioning the divine order of white supremacy over the denial to blacks of the basics of justice; eventually, even the missionaries began adopting such an attitude.  Christianity under African conditions revealed both its indigenous potential and its Western presumptions.

 Chapter 5:  The Pietism generated anitcolonialism.  They said government was the enemy of the gospel.  People under colonial rule quickly identified with this movement.  Africans had adopted Christianity under the belief that it would provide for them all that was needed for their welfare and future. However, the missionaries often failed to live lives that reflected the Christian message.  Eventually, African leaders made the choice to cut ties with the mission churches.  In 1929, the East African revival began.  This new movement brought to life a new understanding of koinonia in the Christian community of Africa.  This awakening came out of the indigenous encounter with the legacy of European overseas missions.

Chapter 1:  Global Pentecostalism, An Emergent Force within World Christianity

The growth of Pentecostalism stems from its attractiveness to those enduring social instability, by providing “ordered community”, its worship style, neighborly love, and connection to the spiritual.  The authors have identified several types of Pentecostal expression in the church:  classical Pentecostalism, indigeonous Pentecostalism, independent Neo-Pentecostalism, the charismatic renewal movement, and proto-charismatic Christians.  They have also identified four emphases of Pentecostalism:  holiness (described by the authors as “legalistic and otherworldly”), prosperity gospel, integral or holistic gospel, and routinized Pentecostalism.  The authors identified three ways in which Pentecostalism has the potential to bring about social change:  Marx’s view of religion as simply dulling the pain of the people, having an incremental impact on social welfare, and its focus on human rights.

Chapter 2:  Progressive Pentecostals Ministries, Beliefs and Motivations

The authors identified eight types of services, ministries and outreaches.  These are often based more on development rather than strictly assistance and many of the Pentecostal churches are working in cooperation with NGO’s and governmental agencies.  Pentecostal churches aim to be sensitive to the needs of their communities and build social programs accordingly.  Through Progressive Pentecostalism, the idea has evolved that evangelism should never be separated from the care of the whole person, integrative or holistic gospel. 

Chapter 3:  Building a New generation Programs Serving Children and Youth

Progressive Pentecostal churches place heavy emphasis on serving the children in their communities, often at-risk children.  In many instances they are doing more than providing for the physical needs of the children; they are confronting systemic issues.

Chapter 4:  Practicing the Faith Transforming Individuals and Society

Progressive Pentecostals embrace the power of the Holy Spirit and emphasize personal transformation.  They set up medical clinics, work with AIDS patients, support sex workers and drug addicts, as well as many other marginalized people groups and provide the opportunity for transformation.  They actively engage with society to pursue justice and bring about society-wide change.

Chapter 5:  Encounters with the Holy Meeting God in Worship and Prayer

Chapter five attempts to describe the various aspects of Pentecostal worship and prayer, music and dance, speaking in tongues, laying on of hands, healings and other gifts of the Spirit.

Chapter 6:  Born in the Image of God Democracy and Upward Social Mobility

Chapter six questions whether or not Pentecostalism can raise individuals and societies out of poverty and lower social standing.  The emphasis of Pentecostal churches on the priesthood of all believers and the equality that results from that stance is strongly appealing to the poor.  However, Pentecostalism generally looks at the problem of poverty through individuals, rather than at the systemic and structural causes of poverty.

Chapter 7:  Organizing the Saints Giving the Ministry to the People

The organization of many growing Pentecostal churches is not of the pyramidal shape embraced by the Catholic church, but rather is organic in nature, in constant flux and dependent on each of the members.  Pentecostals believe all member have gifts, which should be nurtured and developed so they can be used for the edification of the church.  Many churches embrace the idea of cell groups to organize their members.  While many of the leaders are highly educated, many do not have much theological training.  Women are engaged in ministry.

Chapter 8:  The Future of Progressive Pentecostalism

This final chapter the authors summarize their review of Progressive Pentecostalism.  They believe the most empowering element of the Pentecostal movement is the worship experience.  It provides a mind-body connection that encourages Pentecostal believers as they engage in community-based social ministries.

MC500 11/25

Wednesday we talked about Calvin.  I really liked the focus on preaching the gospel and then to respond through singing, praise and thanksgiving.  I think sometimes our response to the word is very self-focused (how does what I’ve heard affect me), rather than a God-focused response of praise and thankfulness. 

Thankful

Ashleys & Amandas

Belle & Macy & Leo

Comfy Beds

Dale & Debbie

Education & Employment

Family & Friends

Grace, Grace, God’s Grace

Home, far from home

India & Internet

Jesus

Kids & Knitting

Life & Love

Mama & Daddy

Nature & Nurture

Older Brother

Pumpkin Pie & Pride and Prejudice

Quilts & Quiet Time

Rolly Polly Babies

Sweet Potatoes & Sweet Tea

Tulips & Turkey

Underwear & Uzebekistan

Voice & Vagabond Heart

Winter & Water

Xenophilia

Youthfulness & Yahoo

Zephaniah 3:17

MC500 11/23

I think the thing I most took away from Monday’s lecture was how Luther emphasized the priesthood of all believers, removing some of the priestly functions, such as confession and forgiveness, away from the clergy and to the common believers.  I think when we participate in these functions together, it is a great catalyst for growth in faith and community.

MC500 11/18

In our discussion of Luther and the Reformation, the point was made that for the first time, the gospel was contextualized, rather than being Latin Based.  A form of Christianity arose which was culturally Northern European.  This contrasts with the discussion from a couple weeks ago about Asian churches in the 15th and 16th centuries, which did not survive due to the strong western influence. 

Twenty-Six

I’m not sure that birthdays have ever been a really big deal to me… maybe I just don’t remember.  For some reason, this one has hit me in a really weird way.  I’m not sure, but for some reason for the week leading up to my birthday I really spent a lot of time thinking about it… not just thinking about plans and what to do to celebrate, but thinking about what it means to be 26.  I’m entering into the latter half of my twenties, the 30 side of 20, if you will.  Honestly, I kinda freaked out, internally… I don’t often freak out externally.

And here I am 2 weeks post-birthday and I still think I’m 25.  Just last night I made the comment, “I’m 25, not 55,” and I didn’t realize until later that night that I am, in fact, 26. 

Maybe it’s that I’m not where I expected to be at 26; I certainly never anticipated spending a birthday in seminary, starting over in a new city with a new roommate, finding a new church, making new friendships.  But on the other hand, I didn’t think my life was totally settled.  I expected change, looked forward to where the next chapter would take me.  I’m not totally sure what I expected life to look like at this point, or if I really had any concrete expectations at all.  Can you be disappointed if you didn’t really have any expectations to begin with?

By 27, who knows what life will look like.  And at 36, 46, 56… there’s no way of knowing.  So I guess the only option is to enjoy the ride.  There is a race set out for each of us, so we run with perseverance knowing that each year will bring new surprises, challenges, lessons.

I know I am where I should be and if every year I can say that, life will be good no matter the number.

Church Paper

A couple people have asked to see the paper that resulted from my time at Saint Anthonys.  So here it is…

Church Paper

It’s posted on GoogleDocuments, so it may not be the best format, but you’ll get the content.  I got an A-!  I was totally fine with that… there’s no such thing as perfection, right?

By the way, it’s 2000+ words, so don’t feel obligated to read it all… or really any of it :)

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